On Building a Home and On Decision-making

In my previous post, I told you that our home sweet home is the fruit of hard work (my husband’s…I never consider myself as a hardworking kawani) and frugality.  But, truth be told, it’s also the fruit of stress and discussions.  Renovating our house was ten times stressful than planning our wedding.   Perhaps because during the wedding preparation,  Dan, my husband gave me the general power to do whatever I want. He only had one request…no dramatic vows.  Generally, I  made all the wedding related decisions.   On the other hand, during the renovation, we were both hands-on (perhaps because we were both excited).  I bought Real Living  magazines and browsed internet sites for inspiration.  My husband consulted his friends for suggestions. 

 Being two different individuals, our ideas most of the time clashed.  I wanted white kitchen cabinets and he wanted black.  I wanted pink or lavender walls and he wanted neutrals. I wanted this, he wanted that!  When I was still a girlfriend, I was the boss.  I’m not proud of that.  That was one of my weaknesses.  I was control freak. I was the “Miss Always Right”.  However, when I got married, I was advised to be submissive.  SUBMIT – big word!    Admittedly, for me, submission is a difficult biblical concept.  I’m certain, however, that it does not mean following a husband’s every word.  It does not mean tolerating a sinning husband.  It does not mean not having your own idea.  It does not mean being less intelligent.  Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I simply construe it as “me, not being the boss”.   Now, I respect the fact that my husband is the leader.    However, as the wife, I believe that I am entitled to be involved in every decision.  While I need to listen to him, I know that my voice must also be heard.  As my mom would always tell me, “kung sino ang tama, siya dapat ang masunod.”  I would jokingly answer, “eh ako, parating tama eh…” lol.  

So, after countless debates, we met half way and finally, built our home.  Our home is a fusion of two personalities.  I am glad I listened to his ideas.  I am also glad that I stood up with what I thought was right.

My take-away: if you’re married, you need to compromise.   You need to consider the needs and wants of your spouse.  Make decision as a team.  

 Thanks for reading!